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My latest dream was to have a language-practice-buddy …

When I first met Sara, she didn’t say a word to me … even though I spoke to her in my very best Spanish.

Although I absolutely adore the language, I’ve rarely spoken it in 20 years. No one to practice with! (I don’t know about you but after all that time … especially when I was never actually even fluent in the first place … I’m thinkin’ I need a whoooole bunch’a practice. Right?)

I noticed … when you’re not a native speaker, people tend to answer your Spanish with English. I suppose it’s their noble attempt to relieve you of the need to stumble imperfectly through their language. Meanwhile you were wanting to stumble through!

Years ago I had a friend from Uruguay … yaaaaaay! … who found it uber annoying to slow down her Spanish in order to practice with her beloved buddy … booooo! 

Alas, I was flying solo on the language front.

My first one-sided conversation with Sara was along the lines of one or two sentences. Something like, “Thank you so much for picking up my clothes from the floor. I so appreciate it.” … Only in Spanish.

Precious mom had hired her to come help me with a few things. My hands are givin’ me a run for my money so I pretty much conserve them for essentials like my beloved graphic design.

Folding is not an essential.

Which explains the ever-growing clean laundry mountain on my living room floor. I can’t bring myself to ask for help. Too big of a feat to impose on anyone else.

Not even the girl who my mother so kindly hired to help me … a girl who just happens to speak my favorite language in the world next to English.

Whenever I hear Spanish, my ears perk up and I yearn to attempt to partake in the conversation. Occasionally I do, in my little broken-language way … pausing to think of a word … wrestling with past perfect verb conjugation … hoping they’ll speak relatively slowly so I can catch what they’re saying.

Ever since I was little, I’ve always adored the Spanish language.

My neighbor’s mother had one’a those classic record albums. You know the ones … “Listen and repeat … Hello … ¡Hola! … ¡Hola!”

I was in heaven!

Next I remember a little red hard-bound book with black and white line drawings. I must’ve been ten. I learned to say things like “ceiling” and “pencil” and “book.”

“Cielo raso” … the very first word I learned … a word I will remember til my dying day. Why Berlitz thinks “ceiling” is one of the first things I’ll need to know how to say on my upcoming trip to Spain or South America is beyond me.

Who cares, I ate it up anyway.

Now I could go around pointing passionately to chairs and desks and other objects, naming them with reckless abandon. I was a force to be reckoned with.

Fast forward to last year. The scene: A train station

Two guys were trying to purchase a ticket … and not being particularly successful. In fact, they were about to give up.

I heard the familiar lilt of my second-favorite-language in the air so of course I perked up and stepped in to save the day with my fabulous Spanish explanation of what they needed to do at the ticket machine.

I have no idea what I sounded like from the other end but apparently I said it right because they did what I suggested. Then one of the guys turned to me and spoke to me in perfect Spanish, to my delight.

Remember what I said about people responding in English? No, he was speaking Spanish. Delicious Spanish.

He asked, “¿Habla español?”

To which I gleefully replied, “Ooooh … ¡Me gusta español! Pero tengo que practicar y no tengo nadie para practicar mi español. Por favor, correctame si estoy diciendo esto incorrecta.”

(Which is something akin to, “I love Spanish. But I need to practice and have no one to practice my Spanish with. Please correct me if I am saying this wrong.”)

The glee continued because he did just that, he corrected me, changing “practicar mi español” to “practicar hablar español.”

And then continued to speak to me in slow, mid-level Spanish for an entire hour and a half on the train.

Bliss!

Fast forward once again …  to this year.

I was super-appreciative of Sara’s help. So, in true jewelry fairy fashion, I decide to give her a piece of jewelry I had made back in the day, along with a little note in Spanish. Since it was coming from the heart, I didn’t go the Google-translate route and just wung it.

Fantastic idea.

In my enthusiasm, all of my verb tenses went completely out the window and I wound up saying the Spanish version of the following:

“This is a necklace I make to say thank you for your help me. I don’t know if the Spanish is correct. It’s not perfect but I love the language, so I try to speak it. ”

Close enough, right?

Well, the stars were aligned and God himself was smiling down on me because that day a friendship was born. The very next time I saw her, Sara was all aflutter with conversation.

Spanish conversation.

We talked about how she had come here to work, left her three kids behind … the challenges she has at work … how she yearns to be doing things in the way that people need her to but has no idea what that is or how to ask since she doesn’t speak the language.

My heart went out to Sara.

I could help! We’ll meet once a week and I’ll help with her English. She can tell me about situations that come up at work and I’ll teach her things she can say. We’ll practice little scenarios and conversations. We can totally do this. We got this!

So now we’re at present day. We get together at the library each week. We laugh a lot and I make up practice sheets for her and we work on her English. I need to speak a lot of Spanish because that’s the way we communicate. Funny, I’ve learned a lot about Spanish by teaching Sara English!

The last time we met, I told Sara about the conversation I’d had with the guy at the train station last year. I wanted her to help me with the structure of the sentence “I need to practice and have no one to practice speaking Spanish with.”

In her language I asked, “How should I say that sentence in Spanish?”

She answered, “You shouldn’t.”

Maybe she didn’t understand the words. I smiled and repeated the sentence, “I need to practice and have no one to practice speaking Spanish with.”

She replied, “Well now, you do.”

And hey she was right!
Look at that … Sometimes your dreams sneak up on you.

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The scene: On our way back from my echocardiogram/chest x-ray bonanza, another beyoooootiful doctors’ office to experience. (Since when do doctors have offices that look like hotel lounges anyway? Seriously! Can I live here?)

We spontaneously stop by FeelGoods Café  for a super-healthy, preservative-free Sweet Potato Spinach Edgy Burger / Salad Combo with roasted sesame dressing.

Healthy + Yum = Perfection.

On my way out, I attempt to ignore the little shelf of muffins and cookies which are yelling, “Col, Col! YO!”

Our eyes meet. I love a good muffin. I keep walking.

Driving home, Gary declares his intention to pit-stop at the convenience store for a cup’a joe. Um, hang on a sec there, bud—If I remember correctly, you gave up coffee weeks ago! (I remind him playfully.)

Of course he can do absolutely whatever he wants to do but a supportive girlfriend is required to at least remind you before letting you do absolutely whatever you want to do, right? Didn’t I read that in the rule book?

In exchange (I’m told) I can have something I’ve got a hankering for too … that should make it even, says he.

Hmm, this just might work.

Well, I haven’t been having cookies and muffins and ice cream and … the options are endless as a parade of sweet things and bread-like things swim before my goo-goo eyes.

He teases me, “Maybe you shouldn’t. What do you think?”

Maybe I shouldn’t, I don’t know. But I really wanna!

We arrive. Go time. I’ll wait in the car.

Gary: “Where’s my wallet?”

Me: (holding it up) “Here!”

Gary: (continuing around back to the trunk) “Where?”

Me: (moving it in the window towards the back) “Here, right here!”

Gary: (opening up the trunk) “What?”

Me: (smushing the wallet against the back window) “Here, here!”

Suddenly, in the side window, up pops Gary’s monster-grin next to this big muffin. “I got you a muffin! It’s gluten-free! I hid it in the trunk!”

I love this guy.

Inspirations: Explore more ...

• FeelGoods Café: Long Island, NY
  Our healthy-delicious lunch and my surprise-muffin came from FeelGoods. Every ingredient is 100% natural and free of artificial preservatives, additives, chemicals, dyes … and anything fake! (Do I work for them? Nope! Just love their food!)
• Udi’s Gluten-Free: Online, through Amazon 
  Not in the NY area and feel like you’re missin’ out? Aaw, don’t feel that way! Order blueberry muffins and cinnamon rolls and bagels and double chocolate muffins and other yummies online!

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Believe in…
Flavia Weedn
Buy This at Allposters.com

Believe and Hope…
Daphne …
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Believe Butterfly
Ricki Mountain
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Just Breath
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“It is the nature of the monkey-mind to jump about and chatter.”
— Ramesh Balsekar

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Once upon a time there was a monkey. A lonely little mischievous monkey, wandering around all by himself in the big city, with a tiny little suitcase containing all of his worldly possessions. Or at least the most important ones.

You might’ve heard him pass by, chattering away to himself. They always do that. That’s how you know it’s the monkeys. They talk a lot. Always somethin’ to say.

Most of what they say is really just useless nonsense. They get a kick outa hearing themselves talk and can get pretty repetitive, babbling on and on about the topic of the day. Harmless really.

Unless you begin to believe them.

If they say the sky is green with purple stripes, you may want to think twice about trusting that information. I mean, it’s up to you but …

Sometimes they will actually try to convince you that it’s raining baseballs and you better get out your catcher’s mitt. If they do that, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

I’m pretty sure you’ve already met one before. Matter of fact, on an ordinary day, there may be hundreds of them, even thousands, just passing by, yakkety yak, yakkety yak.

You may want to know whether or not to invite him in for tea.

Good question.

I’m glad you asked.

If you do meet a monkey one day, best to just sit tight and see how you feel. Maybe he makes you laugh. Maybe he makes you happy. Maybe he pokes you with his walking stick as he goes by. For God’s sake, don’t invite that one in for dinner!

Trouble is, some people do. And I ask you … seriously now … why oh why would you invite a monkey into your house if he’s behaving like that?

I mean, really.

Trust your feelings about who to invite to dinner.

I have lots of experience with monkeys so you really should believe me. And there are pretty much only two things to know so this should be easy.

Two tips about monkeys:

1. Don’t believe a word he says. (But you already knew that because of the baseballs.)
2. If what he says feels bad to you, just think, “Silly monkey!” Ignore the comment and he will walk on by and not even bother you.  Trust me, it’s true.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Thinking is the grand originator of our experience.”
— William James

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ever find yourself feeling not-the-best and wonder why? Been spending time with some particularly rambunctious monkeys lately? A-HA!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Every thought is already vibrating and when you focus upon it, you activate the vibration of it within you. So, when you give your attention to something and it activates within you, we would call it simply
an activated thought.

Introduce into the mix a very important factor which is, ‘How do I want to feel?’ And ‘this thought feels awful’ and ‘this thought feels better’ and ‘this thought feels great.’ So now I’m choosing, not based upon what I formerly called ‘fact’ I’m choosing based upon what I call ‘the way I feel.’

First, a word from our sponsor:

“Different things will happen in your life that will cause you to ‘go there’ and when something causes you to ‘go there’ … GO there … take the hit of it … but then remember what rockets of desires you launched and then turn your undivided attention to that and tell that story.”

—Abraham

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Yesterday I cried. Hard. So hard that for a moment it actually scared me.

I didn’t want to go to a deep, dark place so my first thought was, “Omg, stop crying!” It desperately crossed my mind to change what I was feeling, to pretend I felt rosy. “I will change my story, I will change negative to positive,* I will change my feelings, omg, omg I don’t want to feel sad!” These thoughts came from a fearful place. And of course, that never works.

I never come to a better-feeling place at either extreme, especially when the dominant force running the show is big ol’ fear. Neither denying feelings nor losing myself in them works.

Best to acknowledge the emotions, tip the hat, then choose. Hello sadness. Oh, hi there, fear. Welcome to the party. Now what’re we gonna do at this party? Let’s decide.

So I told myself, “Ok, you feel like crying? Cool. Let it out. But first tell me this: After we’re done with that, what’s going to feel fun to do?”

A movie. That felt like a GREAT idea. That felt like a BLAST. Thinking of it filled me with anticipation, the good kind. A fun, colorful, utterly mindless movie. Awesome.

The feeling of sadness was still there so I laid down on the couch with my puffy pillow and fluffy blanket and cried and cried. In five minutes or so it flowed right through me and out. Then I got up, grabbed my DVD, and popped it in. Yaay!

This felt great.

My two cents:

If “negative” emotion arises, don’t criticize yourself for feeling it … or fight against it … or think you should not feel. If something unexpected plops down in your path, don’t worry about having attracted it. Use it as guidance.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Always things are coming to you to assist in this expansion … Did you attract the problem or did you attract the solution? Did you attract the question or did you attract the answer?”

—Abraham

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

*Check yourself before you wreck yourself:

It’s unlikely that you can leap  from fear to joy. (Got superhuman powers you didn’t tell us about?) Check out fear, waaaaay way down there at the bottom.  “What will feel just a little bit better?” is all you need to do. Just that little feeling of relief. That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.  :)

Much love to you, my friends!

Thank you for being on this journey with me!

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The Fun Report:

Yesterday my parents (bless their hearts!) took me out on a 15-minute excursion for the first time in a long, long while (to the pharmacy, wheee! )

While I was there, I decided to explore the drug store for something playful and fun that I could get for my inner child.  I saw something I used to looove as a kid – A pretty little pink box with ShrinkyDinks in it. Ha!   I decided to treat myself. How delightful is that?

Take a 10-minute joy break. What can YOU do today to take your inner child out to play?

Note to my beautiful friends:

Part of strengthening my listen muscle is paying attention to when it feels good to be on the computer and when it’s time to take a break. I’m looking forward to getting better and better at that. Blogging is a reeeeeally good playground for this because when I’m here, I find myself wanting to go check on everyone and say something to them and be here forever and ever and ever! (You know it’s true!)

Thank you so much for your comments and messages! I absolutely adore hearing from you   and will always write back, always.

And now … some words of inspiration and encouragement!

“We’re asking you to trust in the Well-being. In optimism there is magic. In pessimism there is nothing. In positive expectation there is thrill and success. In pessimism or awareness of what is not wanted, there is nothing. What you’re wanting to do is redefine your relationship with the Stream. We do not ask you to look at something that is black and call it white. We do not ask you to see something that is not as you want it to be and pretend that it is. What we ask you to do is practice moving your gaze. Practice changing your perspective. Practice talking to different people. Practice going to new places. Practice sifting through the data for the things that feel like you want to feel and using those things to cause you to feel a familiar place. In other words, we want you to feel familiar in your joy. Familiar in your positive expectation, familiar in your knowing that all is well, because this Universe will knock itself out giving you evidence of that Well-being once you find that place.”

— Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in San Rafael, CA on Wednesday, March 4th, 1998 # 249

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