“Life is a highway – I want to ride it all night long …”
Note to reader-friends: What’s to come is not a so-called “bad” story … so lift yourself to a level high above and view it from a heart-smile place. Are you smiling? Yeah yeah, there, now you have it!
Ok, read on …
Everything that happens is actually happening not to me but for me, presenting me with plenty of opportunities to grow. The growth is coming fast ‘n furious ’round here so look out world!
Last weekend I went to a wedding with Gary. It was a beautiful thing. The groom was Jewish and the bride Latina so it was a celebration of diverse elements coming together in this uniquely beautiful blend.
I chose, in an unusual move, to take pain killers so I would be able to attend fully present, accepting the fact that I might later suffer the consequences of that decision.
Again, note to you, my precious friend … This is not bad and I know what some of you may be thinking, “She set herself up for failure! She thought she would have consequences and so she did!” (See how I can read your mind like that? 😉 )
Not so, dear friend. This was not failure and nothing is bad. I simply looked at the options and chose what felt to be the lightest choice, knowing all was well within my heart and that I was ok with the various possible outcomes.
I was fine with it then as I attended the wedding and I was fine with it later, during the days I spent in bed, my body reminding me, “I told ya to lie down, silly girl!”
A perfect life does not = no pain and vice versa. That’s not what this whole ride is about, assessing what’s so-called “wrong” and getting rid of it. My body talking to me is not wrong, it’s a gift.
Typically I do not take pain killers, knowing that what works for me is to listen and honor my body’s cues to “go play” or “slow down and rest.” Riding the waves in that way works for me. This time I chose differently and that was ok too.
Back to the wedding.
I love to move it, move it 😉 . I used to dance the night away.
That’s no figure of speech, that is literally what I always did. The energy of the music ran through me and I used to dance endlessly for hours. I remember at the time wondering how it was possible, hours of action with absolutely no sense of tiring out … something about the music carried me and put me in Energizer Bunny mode.
Years ago, an ex-boyfriend used to hand me over to his friends, “Dance with her, she’s good!” I dated a salsa instructor and he used to praise my rhythm. We twirled and twirled around the floor and it was brilliant! As we swirled by, another couple commented, “Hey, you guys should be on Dancing with the Stars!” (Yeah, ‘cept that we’re not “stars” so there’s that. 😉 )
This time was different. Mid-way through a Latin beat, I realized, “This is exhausting!” My body was feelin’ it (ouch!) and we weren’t even one song into the experience. I was a whole different dancer now.
It’s ok, just something to notice.
Flash forward to my friend Michelle’s birthday. Once again, I was feelin’ pain on the way there. When I arrived, I was toying with the idea of giving her her gift and then bowing out gracefully to go lie down by the water for a bit. It was a beautiful sunny day. That could be nice.
There was a live band and the girls were drinking rum buckets and dancing around. Judgment Alert: The thought “party pooper” crossed my mind. I said, “I may leave cuz I need some things that you guys don’t and that’s not fair to you. I don’t want you to feel bad, ok? It’s totally totally alright.”
“What do you need?” she asked.
“Well, first off, I need to sit down.”
She found me a place to sit right next to where they were dancing, on a cushion on this big tall barrel of some sort so I was right up there with them, right in the action only sitting.
Ok, this could work.
Welp, I had a little transformational experience atop that barrel.
At first I allowed it to be alright that I was just sitting bouncing to the music on a barrel rather than dancing.
This first step felt innately ok.
Next, I realized it hurt even to bounce. My body just literally wanted to rest. Period, end of story.
But, but … If you were not dancing but were merely sitting on top of a barrel, you at least needed to be bouncing … Right?
I chose to allow it to be ok to sit and not bounce.
I watched everyone dancing and what fun it all was and I smiled. There was this guy moving around with his girl and he was the best dancer. He had not one ounce of rhythm and he was bouncing around and hugging her and singing a line from time to time. He was the best dancer ever.
Well next my eyes wanted to close. My head was hurting and my eyes wanted to be closed.
Omg, if you were just sitting on a barrel and not even bouncing, maybe in some godforsaken part of the Universe that might possibly, possibly be ok but omg, you could not not do any of those things and then, what? Close your eyes?? Oh no. This was definitely not ok.
But the sun was warm and beautiful and I chose to allow it to be ok to close my eyes.
And then I heard this:
“You can have peace whenever you want it,
wherever you want it.”
I smiled and closed my eyes and let the sun rest on my face and the music swirled all around me. I love live music.
I looked up and could swear I saw the guitarist smile at me. I didn’t feel like a party pooper at all. I felt like a girl who was just being. A girl who was just doin’ her thing, whatever felt right in that moment.
I noticed a woman in a wheelchair, radiantly cheerful, dressed in bright clothes, with a rum punch on a stick she had attached to her chair.
How cool that she’s here.
How cool that I’m here.
Being. Just being.
I love it.
Here’s the song that was playing when I had my transformational experience. I had no idea the lyrics held so much meaning but listen to that! Beautiful synchronicity strikes again!
We create our own reality? Oh yes, I’m still a believer.
It’s just that I no longer believe in right or wrong, good or bad.
I no longer believe that I need to deem Plan A “best for me”
and run around in dogged pursuit of Plan A.
The reality I’m creating is one where I look at what’s in front of me
and decide how I choose to dance with it.
The reality I’m creating is one where I’m just a girl,
sitting on a barrel, the sun on my face, music all around me,
enjoying the hell outa just BEing.
“There’s a world outside every darkened door
Where blues won’t haunt you anymore
Where the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore”
Love and hugs and fluffy bunnies,